Dear Kadeejah,

I’ve never felt so undesirable in my life. I’m a 30-year-old guy, I’ve got a great job earning a very good income, I own my own home, and I’m very independent. Now, I’m not 6 feet 14 inches tall with a chiseled jaw and a smile that could sell toothpaste, but I’m not a troll. I’d like to meet someone but I don’t get any real matches. I even decided to pay money to use Tinder and still nothing. It’s been months. When I do finally get a match, I say hello or comment about something in their profile, and I get one or two very short responses before they ghost. I hear other people talk about their great success with Tinder and how they met all these women. I can’t believe their stories based on my experience. I live in a smaller city in Florida. There should be a real woman out there who will talk to me, but no. I even started Liking every single profile, every one. Nothing.

Thanks for listening I guess,
Overlooked In Florida


Hey there!

I totally understand your frustration, but I must implore you to buck up, boo. There are a variety of factors to consider, but let’s shelve the idea that no woman wants to talk to you. That’s just simply not true.

I spent a year in Portland, Oregon flipping through profiles to no avail, and never got a match or a message. And let’s face it — I’m a catch. As are you. Fast-forward to a change of location, and the matches are endless. If you take no other advice from me, please embed this into your memory: Do not take it personally.

Here’s why: Online dating is a quick way to give potential suitors a glimpse of who you are. Think of it as having a personal recruiter for your love life. Much like writing a cover letter, online dating does take some skill, and for most of us it takes effort. You get a brief glance at a user’s photos and a brief bio — that means you need to put your best foot forward, and highlight what makes you unique. This is true for any dating platform.

Here are some tips for how to do that on Tinder:

Put work into your bio. Short and sweet is fine, but a little personality goes a long way. This is not the time to be super weird — state your purpose in life, and on the app, toss in some humor, and you’ve nailed it.

Give plenty of pic options: If you only have selfies, choose ones that don’t look super artificial. Ditch the bathroom selfies, shirtless selfies, and any “funny” faces that you’re making. Until someone sees you in person, they aren’t going to appreciate the cool ways you can contort your face. Turn on smart photos, and Tinder will put the pic that gets the most love as your profile shot.

And as I mentioned, location is errr-thang! You live in a smaller city, and smaller cities can have smaller pickings for obvious reasons. A Super Like™ and a Boost can only take you so far: Use Passport™ to see who’s out there in bigger cities, and you’ll be more likely to find users who know a good thing when they see it. Plus, you’ll have the Likes You grid, which will allow you to save time (and let’s face it, blows to your self-esteem) by only Liking people who have already liked you.

OK, we both know I am invested in Tinder. They pay my bills. And since I happen to know a guy — I’m going to hook you up with Tinder Gold™. Because … I have a heart of gold.

PS: No one is six feet 14 inches.

*Letter from the querier has been edited slightly for content and clarity.