When it comes to your Tinder bio, we have, historically, had a lot to say. We’ve shared upgrades to make in the name of getting more matches. We’ve let you in on hacks to get the kind of relationship you want. We’ve even made some suggestions based on your zodiac sign. But all that was before a global pandemic struck, causing us to practice social distancing, reach for a snack every 20 to 30 minutes, and take on the challenge of mastering the kind of online dating where you aren’t meeting IRL anytime soon.
These are extraordinary times — the kind of times that call for an infusion of wit and cleverness wherever you can find it. That is to say, it’s just the right moment for these 48 bios that will score you a ton of duly impressed, eager to message matches.
1. Just gave myself a haircut. It’s not looking good. Need moral support in these trying times.
2. Let’s chat for three months and never meet up…But no, really. Let’s.
3. COVID-free since ’97
4. If you find yourself trapped inside and looking for conversation, I can promise you I’m more entertaining than Netflix.
5. Love to travel. Next trips are 🛁-> 🛋-> 🛏.
6. Will put on my nicest top and grossest sweatpants for our virtual date
7. 6 ft tall and down to stay 6 ft away (for now)
8. Looking for a partner in virtual crime
9. I’m a breath of fresh air (figuratively).
10. Riding out the apocalypse with my in-unit washer and dryer
11. Wanna join me on my desert (Animal Crossing) island?
12. “To the windooooowsss, to the wallsss” is my entire plan of action rn.
13. Usually I’m so late, but now I-so-late.
14. Let’s COVID-eo chat?
15. If you’re spending even more time than usual on WebMD, we might be soulmates.
16. Actively seeking someone to talk to about what happened to Carole Baskin’s first husband
17. May have overdone it on the peanut butter filled pretzels. Please send new snack ideas.
18. My mom says I’m essential.
19. Social distancing IRL, but we can 🤝URL.
20. If we FaceTime, I’ll do a tour of my house, “MTV Cribs” style.
21. Match with me and I’ll tell you all about how easy it is to wear the same sweats for two weeks straight.
22. Please send 20-second hand washing song inspo.
24. Going to Whole Foods, want me to drop you off anything?
25. I can’t wait to not be able to do anything with you.
26. Looking to find someone other than my parents to team up with for TikTok challenges.
27. We’ve got no time to waste in this worl— Wait what’s that? We have a lot? Well, let’s waste it together.
28. Wanna Netflix Party and chill?
29. HMU if you’re also “working from home.”
30. Single and ready to get my hand stuck in a tube of Pringles.
31. Are you DTZ (Down To Zoom)?
32. If you can’t handle my quarantine hair, you don’t deserve me when this is all over.
33. I’m the kind of romantic who will order you Uber Eats for our virtual date.
34. Great at text flirting, even funnier in person once this is over 😉
35. Looking to spread love, not germs
36. If now isn’t the time to match with a doctor, when is?
37. Will you be my quaran-tine? It’s like a Valentine, except we can’t leave the house and just eat a lot of snacks.
38. Starting a campaign to convince Netflix to stop asking me if I’m still watching. Wanna join?
39. Into yoga and social distancing.
40. I like long walks between my couch and my fridge.
41. HMU if you like your humor like your hands right now: dry.
42. Looking forward to talking to someone other than my Postmates driver
43. Body by quarantine
44. Looking for some quarantainment
45. Once a foodie, now a grilled cheese chef in training
46. Need a date to my cousin’s Zoom wedding
47. I’m rocking a quarantine mullet — business on top, party on the bottom.
48. My hands are dry, but my personality isn’t.