Swiper’s Q: After two months of hanging out, he tells me he thinks we’re not equally invested. Is this code for “I like you, but I’m keeping my options open?”

Before I dig into this guy I’m gonna scoot my seat out, stand up, and give you a round of applause and a twirl. You asked what was on your mind in a clear, no-nonsense way. Not easy to do! Plus, upon his less than satisfactory answer, you asked for further clarification as to what he was actually trying to say. I feel like a proud grandfather! And that “good to know” response? Put a nail in my coffin ‘cause I’m dead. You are it. I’ll be taking all of my lessons on shade from you from here on out, thanks.

Ok, we’ll get back to how perfect you are later. Let’s do a breakdown of his responses to your “are you into it” inquiry.


“I wouldn’t say I’m not feeling it”

Dafuq? If you were feeling it, you would respond without the double negative. May I suggest an “I am feeling it” or “I am into this.” The fact that he is beating around the bush and not straight up telling you how he feels is weird. Me thinks something is fishy.

“But I do think we’re maybe not as equally invested”

What in tarnation!?!? He’s trying to let you know he ain’t serious about the two of you in the most cowardly of ways. “He’s definitely keeping his options open and is just playing the field,” says Julie Spira, digital dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. Nah, my guy, that’s not going to fly. Super cool if you want to keep things cas, but not after you’ve led us (yes, us, we’re in this together) to believe otherwise. Not pleased!

“Yea”

After asking if he is accusing you of being the more invested party, all you get is a “yea” with no “h?” No additional explanation about why he feels that way? Not even that “I’m not looking for anything serious” hogwash? Which, by the way, is also equally annoying but at least he’d be transparent about wanting to explore his options. Up until now, you’ve had every right to believe that he was indeed feeling it and was equally invested. I mean, he texted you frequently and made an effort to see you. This isn’t opinion, it’s just science.

So then you don’t hear from him for a few days and he follows up with this:

I actually just choked — I’m emotionally eating corn dogs because this guy is getting me all riled up. Spira said it best, “This is a perfect example of bread-crumbing in today’s dating world. He also cares about his ego and doesn’t want her to think he’s a bad guy.” I mean, he is dropping fuggin morsels of BS brownies all over the damn place and then checking in to make sure he’s still number one in your heart. It seems like the only thing he cares about is him and how he looks. And he doesn’t look great, tbqh.

So my advice to you is to throw this guy where he belongs: the garbage. Don’t waste your precious time or energy on someone who is not going to shout from the rooftops that they are invested in you, are most definitely feelin’ it or, like, at the least tag you in memes. You are too much of a goddess to seek answers from a man child who wants to withhold what he’s really up to. Just think of how in a few weeks time, you’ll barely remember this dude’s name. You’ll be free of his trash self. And in the meantime, I can make arrangements to send him back to the d-bag factory. I know a guy. Just say the word.

Have a WTF text you need decoded? Hit us up at swipelifestories@gotinder.com with the subject line “Decoder.”