You know what’d be cool? If your mom’s sister, who you see once a year, would ask you about your hobbies or career. Instead she judges your love life, quizzing you on what you are or aren’t doing and, intentionally or unintentionally, treats being single like it’s a sickness.

While it’s tempting to tell her to shove it where the sun don’t shine, we have some better ideas which, admittedly, are basically telling her to shove it where the sun don’t shine more indirectly and with some sugar on top. Point is, these 29 responses will stop your Aunt Judy in her tracks.

  1. Because it’s awesome. You should try it!
  2. Why not?
  3. I don’t know. Why are you in a relationship?
  4. Because I hate sharing food.
  5. So I can have my bed all to myself.
  6. So I can clip my toenails wherever I want.
  7. Because I like being on my own schedule.
  8. Because good things happen in ones.
  9. Not sure. Why do you think I’m single?
  10. I was too busy getting promoted at work.
  11. Because I have a deep-rooted fear of commitment. Yay!
  12. You know, with my day job and bingeing Netflix at night, I just haven’t had the time.
  13. Just lucky, I guess.
  14. It’s actually this cult that I joined, and I’m just way too deep now to get out.
  15. Because my life is perfect for a party of one.
  16. Because I am my own person.
  17. Oh, I need to finish rewatching “Gossip Girl” for the seventh time before I can even consider a guy.
  18. Because it makes me happy.
  19. Oh my god, I am? Shit.
  20. Because I’m not waiting for someone to watch another episode of “Maniac.”
  21. Oh no, they’re not gonna arrest me are they?
  22. Because people are boring.
  23. I just haven’t found the perfect chicken nugget yet.
  24. My parents haven’t gotten around to arranging my marriage yet. Maybe check in with them?
  25. I’m flattered, really, but I’m not interested. Thanks, though!
  26. Huh? Oh you must not have met my boyfriend? Mc? McDonald?
  27. Yeah, come to think of it, it’s really boring dating anyone I want.
  28. I’m busy and do not have a single minute to give to anyone else. Oh, look, your minute is almost up. Gotta go!
  29. Well, what sounds better to you: five boyfriends or one?