Sometimes, your relationship (or pseudo-relationship) is short-lived. And sometimes, the ending of it feels bad, like real bad. All you want is for the memory of that person to vacate your hippocampus — you weren’t even together for a respectable amount of time, for god’s sake! But feelings are like hangovers, they don’t go away when you want them to. In an effort to remind myself that there are lots of things in life that will be and have been around longer than those small blips in my romantic journey, I’ve curated a nice list. You are so very welcome.

1. Literally any phone call with my cable provider

2. A pit-stain on a white T-shirt

3. A Costco-sized tub of cheese puffs

4. FaceTimes with my parents

5. The hygiene talk I had in middle school, which in my case, was a tune that went something like, “tick tock, tunin’ up my body clock. I take a shower every day. I take a shower, shower power.” This haunts my dreams.

6. The rise and fall of the Roman empire

7. That one pair of underwear you’ve had forever, still hangin’ by a thread and a prayer

8. Any meeting that could have been an email

9. That one time Richard Simmons went missing

10. The Star Wars saga (I’ve never fully gotten through it because I couldn’t stop laughing at C-P30. I was drunk, OK?)

11. The countdown to 2020

12. When you’re waiting for your pizza rolls to come out of the microwave

13. Procrastination

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14. “Bohemian Rhapsody”

15. The waiting period from ordering clothes online to delivery

16. Austin Powers’ time being cryogenically frozen

17. The internal battle you have with yourself every night about whether to get up and pee

18. A workout class

19. Many influencers’ Instagram stories (We don’t care! But we’re still going to watch!)

20. The Jo Bros’ hiatus

21. A nice shower

22. Food poisoning

23. When your phone is unusable due to being too hot

24. Waiting to see the doctor

25. The Spice Girls’ influence

26. “The Lion King” on broadway

27. This article