If you have been in the dating game for more than say, a week, you can easily become jaded. We have all received (and admit it, sent) a lazy “how’s your day going” text or, even worse, a “how you doin’?” GIF. But sometimes exerting such minimal effort is even worse than putting in no effort at all. A stale, uncreative attempt to break the ice with someone you want to pursue is only going to get lost in a sea of Tinder messages or mistaken for platonic small talk IRL. Yes, thinking of a clever way to initiate a conversation can be exhausting, especially when you are already losing countless hours of sleep by bingeing “Vanderpump Rules” on a nightly basis (or is that just me?). But the next time you start typing “Joey Tribbiani” into your GIF search bar, please promptly backspace and instead consider one of these alternatives.
1. Would you rather be shamed by Tan for wearing bootcut jeans or berated by Antoni for eating American cheese?
2. What movie do you most frequently lie about having seen?
3. What is your favorite palindrome? Mine is “A man, a plan, a canal… Panama!” I respect the historical significance.
4. What’s your favorite thing about being named Jacob, Jacob?
5. I’m going out of town in August. Assuming we will have been in a relationship for a few months by then, are you willing to watch my cats while I’m gone?
6. Which teen celebrity’s mental and emotional wellbeing concerns you more, Bhad Bhabie or Billie Eilish?
7. What is the longest you have ever kept a plant alive?
8. Can you please rank every Chris in Hollywood from best to worst?
9. What happened to us?!?
10. Do you think the Jonas Brothers’ comeback will finally make people care about Kevin?
11. Given the ever-growing polarization of America, do you think we will ever reach a consensus as to whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich?
12. What is your go-to strategy for recovering from tripping in public?
13. What was the last word you had to Google to make sure you were using it correctly? Mine was “disciple.”
14. So when we go on our first date, should I pretend that I haven’t thoroughly stalked you on Instagram? Or can I ask you a question about your 2016 trip to Poland right off the bat?