Are you quarantined with your parents? Perhaps you’re home with a roommate who is on your last nerve. You might even be with a few people who you’ve decided will be eliminated from your life once this is over. Whatever your social distancing situation, I can promise you that no one has it worse than people quarantined with their S.O.s. You could be thinking, What? My friends who are quarantined with their partners have it made. Actually, they have it the opposite of made (unmade?), so don’t be too envious. I’m about to blast you with reasons to get unjealous rtfn.
1. Because they’re just now learning about bodily functions they didn’t know the other had.
2. Because someone doesn’t scrub the egg residue off the dish before putting it in the dishwasher (what kind of monster, honestly?)
3. Because one of them is an over toilet paper person and the other is an under.
4. Because this time together has highlighted every bad quality each of them possesses.
5. Because their bedtimes do not match up and their circadian rhythms are off, so they’re both mad (and tired) all the time.
6. Because one of them fucked up the laundry and the other person’s whites are now extremely not white 🙃
7. Because one of them eats the groceries that should’ve lasted two weeks in a day.
8. Because one of them takes so long in the bathroom that the other goes there just to hang out when it’s free, given it’s such a rare occurrence and they also need space.
9. Because they still can’t decide on what to eat (and where to order in from), and it is causing a rift.
10. Because they both have B.O. and discovered that they’re not attracted to each other’s pheromones 😕
11. Because they’re, like, very far away from deciding to move in together and now they have… and everything is weird.
12. Because they were going to move in together before this all started and now are heavily rethinking that decision.
13. Because fights are 20 times worse when you have nowhere to go cool off after.
14. Because that one thing that always annoyed the other person is happening 24/7.
15. Because they have to make mutual decisions on what to watch, eat, and do.
16. Because everything they each bottled up is now coming out to create a mass destruction of trust and happiness 😶
17. Because one of them does all of the cooking and cleaning and is starting to resent the other.
18. Because one person has started dressing like Joe Exotic.
19. Because the other has started dressing like Carole Baskin.