I don’t care what you say. There’s no doubt in my mind that you, yes, you, have ghosted at minimum once in your life. Don’t try to tell me it was actually orbiting, I know what you did. Case in point: You’ve felt guilty about it for a while now, haven’t you? And you should. Ghosting is tacky, I hate it, and yes, I’ve done it, too — no one is perfect. Still, we must stop the epidemic. And change starts with the culprits. So before you even think about going all spooky on someone again, for the love of Satan, consider these things.
1. What if you got the reputation of being a chronic ghoster? Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life?
2. Every time you ghost someone, it decreases the chances you’re going to meet the love of your life by 17%.
3. Ghosting is a federal crime. Don’t look it up, just trust me.
4. What if the person you ghosted’s mother is the head of the major corporation you’re applying for a job at?
5. Is this kind of behavior you’d advocate for to your seven-year-old self?
6. Every time you do it, I put you in a timeout in my mind.
7. No, not some childish shit, much worse. I’ll take your phone away for a week! Muahahaha.
8. What would your grandparents think?
9. What would your best friend who just got ghosted think?
10. Think back to that time a year ago (has it really been that long?!) when the person you were into ghosted you. Let that sink in.
11. Six years from now, when you’re awake and unable to fall asleep, this will be the reason why. It’s always the reason why.
12. Your family will really miss you if you just decide to become an apparition.
13. White really isn’t your color.
14. Even if it is, you can’t wear white after Labor Day!!
15. It’s really a poser move of you to try to be like everyone else.
16. Ghosting is the dating equivalent of cauliflower-based foods. Overdone! Out of style! Unsatisfying!
17. Know that thing you really want? More than anything in life? You can’t have it now. Karma. You know what they say about her.
18. It makes you mean.
19. Don’t they, on a human level, deserve to at least hear why you don’t want to see them again?
20. It’s basic.
21. There is a scratch for this itch: not doing it.
22. Literally no one likes it when you do this.