I went to a pretty small school and I was involved in Greek life, which made the already small school feel infinitely smaller. It was pretty much inevitable that you’d somehow wind up dating someone or, at the very least, hooking up with someone in the same frat as your ex. Of course, a casual hookup here and there was easy to keep under wraps but actually dating someone in the same frat as your ex? That could most definitely complicate things.

If you’ve found yourself in this tricky predicament, we feel you. Dr. Niloo Dardashti, a New York-based psychologist and relationship expert, schools us on keeping the awkwardness and the drama to a minimum no matter how the two of you left things.

If you and your ex ended things mutually and are still cordial…

If you two can still have open conversations with each other, Dr. Dardashti recommends pulling them aside to talk about any problems that may arise before you make it official with their frat bro. “You certainly don’t want them to talk about any old baggage you had with each other to the new person,” she says. This way, you can enter the new relationship with a clean slate.

If your ex doesn’t seem like he’s cool with it, she suggests trying ask him what bothers them most about you and the new guy and using that information to come to a compromise. So, for example, maybe your ex is nervous about seeing the two of you together at the beginning. In that case, she explains, you could make a deal to give him a heads up when you’re going to be at a frat function with your new bae. This way, he has the option of not going if he feels too awkward.

If you and your ex ended things mutually but truly hate each other’s guts…

You might get thrown a curveball. “If someone is not able to talk about what they’re feeling, they’re more likely to act out and be vindictive,” Dr. Dardashti warns. “So maybe you drop them a line and say, ‘hey, I’m doing this, I just wanted to let you know. No hard feelings and hopefully this isn’t something that’s going to upset you.’”

On the other hand, Dr. Dardashti notes that even sending that short message might be a waste of time. And if you really do hate the person, it could be difficult to muster up that level of compassion for them. At that point, your only choice is to just let go of any hard feelings towards your ex that might get in the way of your new relationship and move forward.

If you were the one who dumped him and there’s a chance he’s not quite over it…

Despite what your ex has told you about how he’s doing, if you were the one who broke it off, there’s a strong chance he’s not totally over it yet. Dr. Dardashti explains that your ex is likely already feeling rejected and, if he doesn’t do well with those sorts of feelings, he might lash out and try to get in the way of your relationship. “If you care about their feelings, you might just want to be thoughtful about how they hear about it,” she advises. “Are they going to hear about it from someone else?” Think about how you’d want to be treated if the roles were reversed.

If you were the one who was dumped and there’s a chance you’re not quite over it…

“If they dumped you, it’s probably less likely that they’re going to have feelings of rejection or jealousy,” Dr. Dardashti says. Because your ex realistically doesn’t care that much, she also says it’s not so necessary to alert them of your new fling. If you do find yourself feeling the urge to say something, she suggests you ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Am I giving them a heads up because I feel like they might have feelings about it or because I want them to feel jealous?

All right, now go move on in peace!