In your humble opinion, the date was going perfectly, until you offhandedly made fun of religion, only to learn the person across from you and their entire family go to church every week. In the moment, it can be hard to gauge whether the situation will blow over or if you should do your best to dig yourself out of (read: not further into) the hole. Fast forward to hours or days later when you’re still agonizing over your supposed faux pas. At this point, a (hopefully not-so) awkward apology text can be the easiest way to open up the lines of communication, clarify the situation with your date, and put your own mind at ease.
The situation: While getting to know their friends, who are awesome, you went too far, made a comment that struck a chord, and offended someone.
Your text: “Hey, I may or may not have said something super dumb about [topic]. Just wanted to make sure I didn’t make [friend’s name] uncomfortable. Should I say something? Or just leave it be?”
The situation: You invited your date hang out with your friends, only for one of them to say something out of line. You didn’t do anything to correct the situation in the moment, and now you’re worried that your date may not feel comfortable hanging out with your friends in the future and, worse, that they might feel like you won’t stick up for them.
Your text: “Hey! Thanks for coming to [whatever you did] tonight. I had a really good time! Also, I’m sorry if [friend’s name] was a little bit abrasive. I talked to her about it after, and it shouldn’t happen again.”
The situation: You sent strong mixed signals, and you know they noticed, because they seemed a bit put off. They might have even brought it up, but in the moment, you tried to slough it off. You feel that the relationship is even fuzzier than before, and now it’s your fault.
Your text (if they’re a FWB hopeful): “Hey dude, sorry if I was weird today. Just feeling extra [emotion] I guess [emoji of choice]. We should hang at my place next time.”
Your text (if they’re an S.O. hopeful): “Hey! I had fun on our date today. Sorry if I was a little distant. TBH, I think it’s because I’m not sure where your head is at with us. Maybe we can chat more next time we hang?”
The situation: You snapped at them, made an argument out of nothing, acted withdrawn, or rapidly oscillated between the feels. They didn’t say anything, but you don’t want them to think you’ll always treat them this way.
Your text: “Hey! Sorry if I was a little all over the place today. I’ve been feeling off all day, but I didn’t mean to take it out on you [emoji of choice].”
The situation: You made a messed up comment. Maybe you were debating a touchy subject, or you went for it with an inappropriate joke. You could’ve phrased something wrong, or you may actually need to do some soul searching about what led you there, but either way, it might have changed the way they look at you or even whether they want to keep seeing you.
Your text (if it was bad): “Hey. I’m not sure if you’re still thinking about [the situation], but I am embarrassed about what I said. I want you to know that I didn’t mean it like that, and I would never intentionally say something [the implications of the comment].”
Your text (if it was really bad): “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I know how fucked up my earlier comment was. I’ve been doing some soul searching, and I think I’ve got some internalized [issue] to work through. I see that about myself now, and I’m on it.”
The situation: You got texts and/or a call from another potential romantic interest during your date. You aren’t in a committed relationship, so you feel like you should be able to play the field, but at the same time, you don’t want your date to feel uncomfortable.
Your text: “Hey hey. I know my phone was blowing up during our date, and I just want to make sure you didn’t feel like I was ignoring you. I had a great time doing [activity] with you, and I want to be more present next time. Maybe we could [date idea], and I’ll leave my phone on silent [emoji of choice]?”
The situation: Whatever you did, they called you out, and you didn’t take it well. You belittled it (or them), brushed it under the rug, or clapped back, and you now realize that was not the right way to handle it.
Your text: “Hey, thanks for calling me out earlier on [the situation]. I’m sorry I was so weird about it. I’m still working on taking criticism, but I actually appreciate that we keep each other accountable for our actions. It makes me feel like I can really trust you.”