About a year ago, things ended with an S.O who I thought I would be with for the long-term. It felt as if I had been abandoned, and I have spent plenty of nights questioning how I possibly missed huge red flags. I, like anyone else who tends to value their feelings and emotions over logic, glossed over this guy’s questionable characteristics — he was sneaky with his phone, only did things when it was convenient for him, valued time with friends over any date night, and was hesitant to try new things. But after a couple months of moping and mourning, I decided I was done with my bullshit never-going-to-find-love-again mood and starting looking for a way to invite new people into my life.

Growing up, my aunt got me interested in astrology and preached the importance of using the universe as a guide for your future. I learned that the planets, stars, water, and sun can shape one’s personality and give them insights on love, money, and the week, month, or year ahead. To find a compatible partner, I needed to start putting my heart back on the line, and I put my full trust in the stars.

I’m a Scorpio, and we like it when things are black and white. We want to know the truth, like to speak with meaning, and don’t have time for any BS. We like to get to the bottom of things right away, fight until everything is figured out, and are confrontational when necessary. We have strong intuition, which usually comes from leading with our hearts, not our minds. We’re focused, unafraid, independent, passionate, and understand the hearts of others.

So this summer, when I met and was asked out by a cute Libra, I immediately thought about our zodiac compatibility. While Libras and Scorpios start out with a strong attraction, the two signs ultimately don’t share the same morals, values, or life views. Still, I went on the date (did I mention how cute he was?). We shopped around Soho, ate ice cream, and got to know each other. He brought up money and his thoughts on the idiocy of feminist values, his love for political debates, and his desire never to have children. Big surprise: None of that meshed well with me, so it was on to the next. Though I did appreciate the ice cream.

Then, at the beginning of the fall semester, an ex (who you heard about earlier) came back into my life looking for a second chance. This guy has a bold personality but lacks confidence, which he hides behind his arrogant masculinity. He is good with words and knows how to persuade me — anytime I challenged him, it seemed like he didn’t care if I hung around or not. Typical Gemini. Sure, Geminis have some great characteristics — they are very enthusiastic, can be the life of the party, and tend to be well-spoken — but they can also be a Scorpio’s worst nightmare. We are loyal and want trust and commitment; this guy was nowhere near ready to give his heart away. He wanted a fun time and a swarm of friends around him at all times. We clashed in the form of heated arguments the first time around — we’d even argue about whether to argue — and this go-round was no different. I was done with guys whose signs collided with mine.

A month or so later, when I was least expecting it, someone new caught my eye. I met him at his 21st birthday party, but I had no idea who he was. I reasoned that he was a Virgo (September 12th birthday), so I immediately knew that our signs matched up well. As I got to know him better, I learned that he is humble and has a quiet but loving aura about him. That’s a big change from the typical frat boys who have made their way in and out of my life.

A Scorpio is described as “still waters run deep.” I interpret this to mean that they have a calm and stillness to them but underneath, there is depth waiting to be unleashed. A Virgo’s sign is described as “deep waters,” meaning they have a lot of depth to them, understand what lies within themselves, and are eager to unmask that same depth in others. The stars were literally aligning to present the opportunity for a relationship that would be, well, loyal and deep. Even though both Scorpios and Virgos are independent, they value quality time together. Virgos are more withdrawn and introverted compared to more extroverted Scorpios, but the pair balances each other well. Scorpios teach and challenge others, while Virgos are known for making others step outside their boxes to think differently. Scorpios know what they want as soon as they think, dream, or see it.

It was hardly a surprise that this potential new flame and I skipped adding each other on Snapchat — he asked for my number right away. He walked me home from a bar one night and asked to take me out for coffee soon. Who was this mysterious guy?

After several sweet dates and a lot of asking myself, Is this guy really real?, I grasped on to the idea that he was quickly making me a better person. I decided that there was no way I was letting him go. We have been a relationship for several months, and I strongly believe that all of the stars had to align for us to meet and maybe, in the future, fall in love.

Along the way, I’ve learned that I don’t need to keep putting myself through messed up games and heartbreak. By focusing on the traits that make me who I truly am, I’ve managed to stop wasting time dating people who will never be right for me. I used astrology as a guide to understand who people are, but your north star might be something else — a sense of self that comes from looking inside yourself, not up to the sky.