If you haven’t heard the news, people are annoying. Maybe it’s because of their parents, maybe it’s just their personality. But the worst thing about these irritating humans is that they are part of the dating pool. And I guess I can’t blame them for bothering the eff out of me. The state of dating is so damn confusing that no one knows what in tarnation to do. Some people want flowers, chocolates, the rom-com special. That, however, makes others throw up in their mouths a little. Whatever your flavor of dating, let’s all at least agree that these things will most certainly not secure date number one. Or two.
1. Texting someone too much before a first date
Yes, texting is how we get to know people. But if I haven’t met you yet and you’re throwing messages at me like it’s sudden-death middle school dodgeball, WYD? Frankly, I don’t care how your day was unless I’ve decided that I want to commit my time and attention to you. And I definitely don’t want to know that your boss threw their incorrectly ordered salad at you. Keeping me posted on all of these intimate details is way too much, way too soon. Save it for the date.
2. Not texting someone enough in between dates
I know, this is confusing. Too much, not enough, what gives? Let’s be clear: After I’ve met you, am interested, and you seem to be, too, you gotta keep my attention. If I don’t hear from you within a day of our date, I’m going to think that you hate me and never want to see me again (fuck the three-day texting rule). And if more time goes by, I’ll forget about you completely. Absence makes the heart grow
3. Double texting too soon
People are busy! If I don’t text you back for an hour, it’s because I’m at work writing this article about how you’re contacting me too much. Please don’t send me a question mark; I will get back to you. Now, if I forget (which isn’t entirely unlikely to happen) and it’s been 24 hours, feel free to put out a missing persons report and also shoot me a text to remind me I’m being a buffoon. But if you’re just being impatient, you need to pump the brakes.
4. Being indecisive
Just pick a freaking place to meet. Enough of this “I don’t care, I can do whatever.” That’s 1. really not helpful and 2. stalls the actual meetup. If someone asks you out, it’s entirely fair to expect that they have a plan, thus allowing you to avoid expending too much mental energy. Not letting your date know the where and when of the night makes you come off as lazy and disinterested. Providing the details (more than an hour in advance, I might add), shows that you’re putting some thought into your meetup.
5. Oversharing on the date
I once went out with a guy who told me his family’s deepest, darkest secrets. Now, if we were in a relationship, I would’ve appreciated his openness and probably patted his head. But this was the first date, and after an hour, I knew everything short of his family members’ social security numbers (though, I’m sure if I pressed, I would have been able to access those, too). If I’m not yet sure I’m going to meet, let alone be a part of, your family, I don’t need to know that much about them on day one. The same goes for people who tell you about the rash they’ve contracted or word vomits about the downfall of their last relationship. Stick to the basics, please.