Dear Kadeejah,

For the past few years, I’ve been serial dating. I would date someone for a couple of months, and end it when the chemistry failed to develop. I couldn’t find anyone I felt even the slightest connection with.

That was until a month ago when I met “Luke.” We clicked immediately and started spending every single day together. We’re both artists, and I was immediately attracted to his creative side. Unfortunately, he does more schmoozing and posting on social than actually making any art of his own.

Kadeejah, I’m dating an Influencer.

I’m not uncomfortable about how many followers he has, or all the beautiful women that fall at his feet. I’m uncomfortable at the nightly events I attend with him that are filled with rich people talking about how to get richer off the coattails of hardworking people like myself. It infuriates me to watch someone complain about their $200 entrees while the rest of us are forking over half of our salaries to slumlords, and are lucky to be able to order from Seamless once a week.

Luke is not like that. He’s thoughtful and down to earth. It’s hard to ignore the strong connection we have. I can be myself around him, even at these events, he makes me laugh, and he’s incredibly supportive of my ambitions. He’s made an entire career out of his talent and personality, and how he got to this level of success is inspiring.

My friends all think I’m being ridiculous, that I should be grateful to be at these events and with someone with money and fame. I want to show up for Luke, I want to support his business.  I just don’t know if I can keep up with the Joneses, or if I even want to…

Trying to make it work in Queens, NY

 

Dear Trying to make it work,

First off: Who is this guy? Does he have more followers than Kadeejah? Also — define “art.”

Secondly, what on earth is he eating for $200 a plate? We talkin Wagyu beef or overpriced pasta dishes?

Now, let’s get to the real issue at hand. Influencer status aside, you are smitten with Banksy…sorry, Luke. He’s got jokes, he’s got his own dough, and he’s supportive of your ambitions — that’s literally the dream.

Unlike your friends, I do not think that being rich automatically makes someone cool, and I won’t pretend it’s always easy to relate to those who’ve never had to count change for dinner. This is all new to you, and you have a right to feel and express your discomfort. Just remember, while the bulk of those people may make your eyes roll, there’s going to be some amazing down-to-earth people in the mix. That, I’m sure of. Still, just because you’ve entered a partnership doesn’t mean everything you stand for has to go out the window.

Have you had an honest conversation with Luke about how you feel at these events? It may be worth discussing how often you’d like to attend. Come to an agreement about how much time you can spend keeping up with the Kardashians or whoever is cool right now.  This is a great opportunity for you to see how well you communicate and problem solve together.

The good news is that I hear there’s going to be a revolt against the rich soon enough, so this may only be a temporary issue. Until then? Take a moment to breathe and take things day by day in this early stage in your relationship.

P.S. How does one get verified?

– Kadeej