Every sign has a different strategy for confrontation. Some avoid conflict like the plague, while others love going over their argument for hours and need to express every single one of their feelings. The problem is, our strategy doesn’t always match up with our partner’s.
Well, with a little astrological understanding and perhaps compromise, you can get your point across in the most effective way for your partner to receive it. That is what most conflict is about, isn’t it? The struggle to have your point truly understood.
One caveat: Keep in mind that your sun sign is just one aspect of your birth chart, which you can look up here. You may also want to read up on your Mars sign, as Mars rules the assertive and driving force behind your actions and feelings.
Aries: “I’m right and I’m running away!”
Aries are fiercely independent, can be very hot-headed, and show up to an argument sure that they are right (whether or not this is actually the case). They are the person who doesn’t back down, even after they have been proven wrong. They may sulk and blame you with some fiery anger for even making them feel in the wrong. When arguing with an Aries, respect their need for space and time to process after things get heated. You need to let their fire simmer if you want to get anywhere. It is also best to confront conflict head on, because sweeping anything under the rug can build a resentment in them that will present a challenge akin to taming a wildfire.
Taurus: “Let’s discuss this over wine.”
Taureans are a fixed earth sign, which sometimes makes it hard to shift their perspective. They are extremely tactile and hedonistic, and respond well to physical pleasure — and make-up sex, maybe even before you get into the fight. That being said, this sign is well known for being as stubborn as a bull, so they are not always inclined to shift their perspective. Yet they can surely be bribed with creature comforts. Show up to the argument with a decadent snack and give them a hand massage when things start to get heated. They may not change their point of view, but they will certainly warm up.
Gemini: “You think you know but you have no idea.”
These devious twins are conflict masterminds. You can approach them with something that you think offended them, and they will pretend to have no idea what you’re talking about. They may have been mad at you for weeks, but they are still sleeping with you and showering you with affection. Because Geminis famously have two sides, they are experts at hiding their feelings. Generally, they prefer to avoid conflict, so before you bring up an issue, make sure it is truly worth fighting about. If and when conflict does arise, they are evasive enough that you may not be able to tell if you even resolved anything. Approaching them as if it is just a conversation and never an argument is really the best way to get anywhere.
Cancer: “Hold me!”
Super-sensitive crabs need a lot of nurturing. Knowing that you are mad at them will hurt their feelings, whether or not that was your intention. Make sure you wait until you are home and alone to bring up any thorny issues, because Cancers can be militant about privacy and will feel personally ambushed in public. Approach them with compassion, lead with a reminder of how much you love them, and be prepared for them to hold on to any criticism long past when you are over it. Finish with spooning.
Leo: “You still love me, right?”
Leos live for affirmation. Prideful and magnetic, they thrive on knowing the impact they have on others. When you’re honest about how their actions are affecting you, they will listen with an open mind. That being said, they do not like to have their authority or sense of self challenged. Continuing to remind them of how great they are, how attractive you find them, and how much you care about them (despite whatever you’re arguing about) will go a long way. They want to please you by being the best version of themselves, so they seek simple acknowledgement over being right.
Virgo: “I made a pros and cons list of both of our arguments.”
Are you sure you really want to get into it? Because if so, you may be talking about it for the next couple of hours weeks. Virgos are over-analyzers —they wish to get to the depths of truth about any argument. They are often convinced that their side is the right one, because they journaled five pages about it, talked about it with their mom, therapist, and best friend, and read three articles proving their point. Yet somehow, they are still very open to other points of view. A mutable sign, Virgos respond well to reason. They want to hear you out and find a solution as a team, assuming you have nowhere else to be and an endless supply of patience.
Libra: “I just want this to be fair.”
Libra is the sign of justice and fairness. That being said, the battle for true fairness often makes it difficult for them to make up their minds. In some ways, this makes conflict pleasant — really, they want you to have the last word and determine the best solution, as long as you are willing to be truly fair and make compromises. Like Leos, Libras crave affirmation, so taking charge while reminding them of their importance may win you a lot of arguments. Don’t try to manipulate them. They will take it to heart and not trust you to argue with them again.
Scorpio: “Avoidance isn’t a strategy, it is a way of life.”
Private, passionate Scorpios don’t want to fight with you. They want to keep a tally of every time you mess up as an excuse to cut you off without explanation once they have had enough. That is unless they really love you. Once you’re in their inner network, they will listen, talk, and argue compassionately and rationally. If you’re not there yet, tough luck. And if you screw over a Scorpio, don’t expect to ever hear from them again. Scorpios are famous for ghosting, it is in their nature. But when they truly commit, they can be some of the most loyal and level-headed partners around.
Sagittarius: “You want to fight? Sorry, I have plans.”
Like their sister fire sign, Aries, Sagittarians are independent and disinterested in talking about feelings, which overwhelm their free-spirited souls. They are used to everyone liking them and their happy-go-lucky attitude, so hearing you’re angry makes them sad. It also makes them want to run away. Bring up conflict while you’re doing something else — walking, cooking, etc. — so that they have somewhere to divert their energy. If they need to take a beat, let them. If they love you, they’ll be back.
Capricorn: “Virgo made a pro and con list? I made a spreadsheet.”
Fellow earth signs Virgo and Capricorn share a desire for logical arbitration. Where Virgos are mutable and respond well to logic, Capricorns are fixed. Their desire to be right overwhelms their love of reason. Where Virgos will tally points, Capricorns will devise a strategy that proves them right regardless of the facts. They will also stand strong in their reasoning, so tread with caution. If you want to make an impact, listen intently to their side of things. Making them feel heard goes a long way, but these mountain goats can be one of the hardest signs to argue with. Be very clear and very calm while allowing them time to make their own conclusions. The phrase “let them think it was their idea” applies to no one more than to Capricorns.
Aquarius: “Feelings? Gross!”
Aquarius is the advocate of the Zodiac. They want you to know that they are here for you and to feel like you can rely on them. Loyal as can be, they are also a headstrong, fixed air sign. This keeps them a bit out of touch with their feelings, which can make discussing those feelings difficult. Dreamy and visionary as thinkers, they appreciate when you approach conflict by appealing to their revolutionary attitude. Ask to try out a new conflict resolution exercise you read about online. Adding a third-party method to the mix takes feelings off the table a bit and appeals to their forward-thinking nature.
Pisces: “But are you okay?”
Pisces may be the easiest sign in the Zodiac to argue with. They want to hold space for your feelings, will put your needs before their own, and will talk through whatever is coming up for you with compassionate curiosity and their undivided attention. Just make sure you give them the same in return. Listen attentively, and even more importantly, ask them for their truth. They want to feel heard but usually are so concerned with how you are doing that they forget to ask for what they need. Taking the extra step to let them fully express their feelings will go a long way for both of you.