Imagine you match with your ideal person on Tinder. You hit it off after chatting up a storm. Then, your new crush tosses out the ultimate pickup line: “What’s your sign?” Caught off-guard, you answer “Gemini,” only to find out moments later that they are a Scorpio who bases their life on the stars, which you do not. Do you run or do you stay? This quandary is as old as time, two lovers destined to meet but who come from two different worlds of thought: the cosmic believer and the cynic.
When my parents met in the 1960s during the pre-dating app “Age of Aquarius,” astrology was far less mainstream than it is today. Nonetheless, my father, a Scorpio, and my mother, a Pisces, both had an on-again, off-again love affair with astrology. My mother revered the stars, and my father was a half cynic, half believer. While this was never the basis of arguments, my mother felt as though she could never truly be herself and discuss her mystical beliefs freely.
Fifty-some-odd years later, my best friend started dating a lovely woman he met on Tinder and who was super invested in the stars. She went so far as to proclaim they were celestial soulmates throughout their multi-year relationship. Eventually, she ended things with one simple sentence: “I should have known better than to fall in love with a Cancer.” Those last words made him swear that he would never again to date someone who believes in the cosmos.
When I was a novice astrologer, I went out with a guy who asked me to interpret his chart. Once I started, however, he rolled his eyes and made me feel bad about my interest in astrology. After that date, I swore I would never date another person who wasn’t open to the unknown or the universe. That was a little extreme — now, I would consider someone who isn’t 100% invested or interested but still believes in astrology.
But as an astrologer, the question I get most often is from those who don’t believe in astrology but are dating or interested in dating someone who does. Adam, 26, who labels himself as “not astrologically inclined,” is currently dating a professional astrologer. “Out of respect to her livelihood and career, I try to learn about astrology, he says. “It’s important to support your partner, even if you don’t see eye to eye.”
Melissa*, 38, agrees. “I am 80% non-believer and 20% believer,” she says. “I dated a guy who was very much into astrology. That wasn’t the reason our relationship didn’t work out — we didn’t want the same future. But we were mutually respectful of each other’s views. I never criticized his beliefs.”
That said, many non-believers identify a fine line between being interested in astrology and considering it the be-all and end-all. “I met someone on Tinder who asked me for my birth information right away,” says Scott*, 28. “They told me we weren’t compatible based on our charts. No, I would never date someone who was that hardcore, but I would date someone who has a low-key interest in astrology.”
In my experience, couples can make relationships work, even if they don’t share the same celestial visions. The key is to find common ground. Bri Luna, creative director and owner of The Hoodwitch, is currently in a relationship with a cosmic skeptic, “As long as it isn’t a point of ridicule, disbelief isn’t necessarily a deal breaker,” she says. “[My partner] finds to be humorous and will send me funny astrology-related memes.” It’s a small gesture, but it’s evidence of investing in assimilating different beliefs.
I would venture that couples who have bad synastry stay together just as long as those whose charts are perfectly aligned. This is because — and I say this as an astrologer — love trumps astrology. As fellow astrologer and host of “Ghost of a Podcast,” Jessica Lanyadoo says, “I don’t think that we need to see the world in the same way to like, love, and respect each other. When mutual respect and integrity exist, our differences make us stronger.”
The bottom line is that astrology is a tool for understanding. Retrogrades and luminaries come and go — if someone is into you, they will try to make the relationship work regardless of their beliefs. As humans, we generally want to connect with others regardless of our differences.
An astrology aficionado could be someone with whom you may have a bright future. Even if they use the cosmos to plan out their life, and you feel as though you cannot relate, don’t kick them to the curb because of their celestial beliefs. Ask yourself, How do I feel when I’m with them? If you vibe IRL, that’s all that matters. Chemistry isn’t written in the stars; it’s found between two people who can talk about their differences and connect over, not just in spite of them.
*Names have been changed to protect innocent daters everywhere.