OK, so I want to be upfront with you: I actually am into astrology. Wait — don’t go anywhere! I’m not an astrology pusher (promise), I won’t shove birth charts or the Co-Star app down your throat. I actually get why people don’t care about or like all this zodiac business, but imo, you non-believers also need an easy guide to compatibility. You deserve some bullet points to help you gauge whether you and someone else are (or aren’t) a good fit. Well, it’s your lucky day, because I just so happened to have listed out some *extremely real* (and also backed by psychology, duh) ways to tell just that. Horoscope haters, this one’s for you.
You can tell if you’re compatible based on…
1. Whether they have a dog.
2. Whether they have a shrine of you or not.
3. Whether they let you pop their pimples! Sweet, sweet release.
4. Whether they also pick their nose without a tissue when they’re in the comfort of their own home. (I don’t trust people who deny doing this.)
5. Whether they let you have the one nacho with the perfect ratio of cheese, beans, guac, and pulled pork. (And not ’cuz they’re vegan.)
6. Whether they’re vegan.
7. Whether they finish your sentences. How else can you tell if you’re meant to be if they can’t guess everything you’re ever going to say?
8. Whether they hate the same people as you.
9. What condiment they dip their chicken nuggets in (ketchup? Boring! Mustard? Monster. Ranch? Perfect specimen.)
10. Whether you believe in the same conspiracy theories.
11. Whether they can answer more questions about you than Travis Scott can about Kylie Jenner.
12. Whether they’re a pee-with-the-door-closed-or-open kinda person.
13. Whether they do or don’t think it’s weird that you like corn dogs but despise hot dogs. Yes, this is a real preference. (It’s mine.)
14. Whether they wash their legs in the shower.
15. Whether the “Suggested For You” shows on their Netflix are terrible.
16. Whether their taste in pillow firmness is acceptable.
17. Whether they’d ever seen “Zenon: Girl Of The 21st Century” pre-Disney+.